One of the everyday things that Men take for granted is taking a leak while standing up. We have a hard time understanding why anyone would sit down on a toilet, simply to urinate. Truth is, Men have gradually evolved over the last three billion years to the point where the Male system is designed for upright urination. This is a fact women are incredibly envious of, despite their denials.

Most of the time, either using a urinal in a public restroom or leaving the seat down while using your own private bathroom is acceptable. There are rare moments when a Man can, and should relieve himself in the great outdoors. The most important of these instances is when drinking large quantities of beer, when camping or fishing, or if you are at the edge of a large cliff. It should be noted that if you are near something of this magnitude, you are forbidden to walk away without urinating off the edge.

When drinking, the appropriate urination etiquette is to announce your intentions to everyone around you and then head to the backyard with beer in hand. You should then find a corner and complete the emptying process. While camping, simply walk to the edge of the site and mark a sufficient amount of territory; while fishing, approach the side of the boat and piss. Extra points are earned if the boat is moving quickly and you remain balanced and nonchalant.

The general Mantivity score for urinating outside is a 2.8. Bonus points can be gained if you write your name in the snow, or if you cannot see where the urine is landing. The use of hand sanitizer is a deduction, as any very quick rinse from water, standing or running, will suffice. As a final, and obvious statement, the score is reduced to zero if you piss on yourself.

So you’re in a bar, drinking liquid glory from a frosted mug. The guy behind you says he usually roots for Russia in the Olympics, because his parents were Russian immigrants. Naturally, this upsets you; however, you are very content drinking delicious PBR and talking to the beautiful girl next to you. What do you do?

One of Man’s most primordial instincts is to punch with his fists things he doesn’t like. That is the reaction most Men have, for example, when they see things like this. This instinct is heightened in the Manly bar environment. Here there is cursing, drinking, and billiards, so it is natural for a Man to be ready to fight at a moment's notice.

For a bar fight to be truly Manly, several things must happen. First, someone must be thrown on a table. Then, a bottle must be broken (with an implied threat of using the jagged edges as a weapon). Finally, the bar tender must pull out a shotgun and yell something like “Alright, that’s enough!” at which point the fight moves outside and then ends. If all three of these things happen, then the Mantivity score for being involved in the bar fight is 4.1. Note: It is expected that you walk away from the fight with a bruise/scar that remains for at least two weeks, so you can tell co-workers that you got the scar defending America in a bar fight. If this is not the case, the score falls to 3.4.

So to answer the question posed earlier: you stand up, down your mug of beer, kiss the girl you were talking to, and then you punch the commie in the face (it might be polite to tell him you are going to do so first – nobody likes a sucker punch, even if the target is a commie).

Men are often asked to undertake important tasks. The installations of home improvement items, electrical systems, car parts, and other similar things, are jobs that Men are frequently called to tackle. It is a burden in some respects, but make no mistake, these are duties Men enjoy. It provides a natural testosterone boost and something to casually discuss at the next chance encounter with other Men.

The typical circumstance for a Man's installation of something goes as follows: A woman requests that the Man install a particular item in her home and/or car. It is bonus points if the woman is not directly engaged in a serious relationship with the Man and lives in an entirely different home. The Man accepts the request with nonchalance and heads to the installation site with his own set of tools and equipment. It is here where he undertakes the first on-site assessment of the situation and deems the project more complex and difficult than anticipated.

That, of course, is not a problem, but a blessing for the Mantivity score. The Man knows this, but the woman does not. The Man reacts accordingly. For example, "Yes, that does mean I'll have to move this three ton concrete block with just my bare hands. No, no, I don't think it will be a problem. I'm here, might as well get it done."Any verbal exaggeration in this regard is deemed appropriate, but it is important that the Man appear confident and undeterred.

A Man can also install things professionally by becoming a cable guy, a plumber, or a Home Depot installation expert. This is a Manly way to make a living. The variables associated with this Mantivity mean that there is large score range. It ranges from 2.7 to 3.5 depending on what is being installed and where (for example, installing a new carburetor in an old car receives a higher score than installing a towel rack in a pink bathroom). Bonus points for using tools, becoming dirty, and not referring to any kind of directional-like reading materials for assistance.

In the modern world, there are hundreds of different medicines offering treatments and cures for every single ailment invented. It can be confusing for a Man, figuring out what to take for what. Luckily, there is a simple, and Manly, solution: never take medicine, ever. (One Exception.)

Chances are, at some point in a Man’s life, he will get sick, and when he does, there is sure to be somebody who tells him to take medicine. If this somebody is his wife or mother, she will also make a doctor’s appointment for him, without telling him. When this happens, a Man follows a very simple procedure. For the first quarter of his illness, he must insist he is not sick, it’s just allergies, so he doesn't need medicine and a doctor. Then, for the remaining three quarters, he must say that he was sick, but now is starting to get better, so medicine really wouldn't* do anything. This plan never ever fails.

Some people reading this may ask, “What if a Man gets cancer? What if he gets the bubonic plague?” It is true, these are very serious diseases, but that just means that overcoming these without medicine is all that much more impressive, heroic, even. Look at it this way: getting medicine is like putting up the white flag and saying you can't win on your own. It shows that you have been defeated, by germs/viral things, and that's not Manly. Also, don’t ask stupid questions. The Mantivity score for refusing to take medicine is 2.3.

*Updated thanks to the sniper-like editing style of James, a Man.

An important thing about being Manly is that it means you are able to deal with crisis situations. For example, if you are President, and your airplane gets hijacked, you should be able to kill all the hijackers and save your family. Knowing how to start a fire is an important part of any Man’s crisis survival package, and should be practiced at every opportunity.

There are many techniques to starting a fire. As a general rule, the less technology the technique uses, the more Manly it is, so the most Manly is the hand drill, followed by flint and steel, then magnifying the sun, then matches, etc. An important exception to this rule is the use of explosives and weaponry, such as flamethrowers or hand-grenades. These techniques involve the use of Man tools, and thus score Mantivity points on multiple fronts. The Mantivity score for starting a fire with matches, the most common technique, is 2.9.

Note: When there are many Men willing and able to start the fire, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, have a competition for who is the best at starting a fire. While we usually encourage competition, in this case it is often the least Manly person who ends up building the fire, as he/she is the most willing to mention his experience starting fires at summer camp when he was 13 years old. Avoid this situation by offering to collect the wood, and then stepping in heroically when camper-boy fails.