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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

#6 Drinking Beer

First of all, it is natural to think that beer tastes bad. Natural and unManly. There should be little doubt: beer is the greatest beverage on planet Earth. It is delicious, refreshing, and it makes you happy.

Beer was invented well before 6,000 B.C., when dinosaurs ruled the earth. CaveMen enjoyed this perfect beverage after Manly battles with Sabertooth tigers and other animals that have become extinct. It didn't take long to learn that while the wheel and fire were good inventions, neither went that well with pizza or peanuts. Since then, beer has evolved. It has added new species and families, discovered the limits of perfect taste, and brought Men together for a common purpose. Through all of it, beer has always retained its ultimate Man beverage status. The official beer of the Mantivities website is Pabst Blue Ribbon.

There are many rules associated with beer. Spilled or wasted beer is a disaster and should be avoided at almost all costs. This is a tragedy even Shakespeare's words could do no justice. Light beer is acceptable for Men only when it is significantly cheaper than the regular alternative or if you intend to imbibe massive quantities and must consider the finite amount of space in the belly. Any Man who ventures into the realm of "girly" drinks should expect his friends not to let him forget it for some time afterwards.

Taste in beer will vary amongst Men. This is both accepted and encouraged, but all Men should be wary of beers that are actually "girly" drinks in disguise, such as watery beers, fruit beers, and so on. Beer earns a Mantivity score in the range of 2.5 to 3.0. This depends on the particular beer and the location in which it is being consumed. Men should not be obsessed with the number of beers that they consume; this is childish. At the end of the day, nothing quenches a Man-thirst like a beer.

5 comments:

kenny said...

seriously? who writes this? i mean, this blue collar corny stuff is terrible .. you need to rename this blog "mantivities.. or things you think old white guys are in too .. and its the year 1994..and think of overused male stereotypes that HARDLY apply to any males under the age of 40.." .. you're going for a good demographic.. its ok to rip-off an idea and improve upon it .. but simply getting the idea is not enough.. you need be a good writer .. and funny .. your posts have filler and don't have engaging and snappy sentences to make it 'funny' . i mean really? Flannel shirts!? oh AND STOP DELETING THE COMMENTS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BAD. people notice ..and you look like a n idiot..

Daniel Boone said...

Thanks for reading!

Tate said...

For what it's worth, I'm 22 and in college and share a huge affinity for both pbr and flannel shirts. And who doesn't love (a) man's best friend and (b) destroying stuff with a sledgehammer? Keep writing brother.

OlderMusicGeek said...

i wish people with no sense of humor would go find some serious blogs to comment on.

i must admit that i'm more a frasier type than a scharzenegger type, but this blog cracks me up - and captures the silliness of some men very well!

keep it up the good work!

Christian Sparks said...

Outstanding work so far, gentlemen. Looking forward to many more posts containing this much truth. We over at http://www.brewdudes.net work hard to incorporate flannel shirts, or sleeveless shirts, or flannel sleeveless shirts, or simply no shirts at all into our daily festivities. Check us out!