Cya there
Sunday, March 30, 2008
New Location
Cya there
#13 Urinating Outside
One of the everyday things that Men take for granted is taking a leak while standing up. We have a hard time understanding why anyone would sit down on a toilet, simply to urinate. Truth is, Men have gradually evolved over the last three billion years to the point where the Male system is designed for upright urination. This is a fact women are incredibly envious of, despite their denials.
Most of the time, either using a urinal in a public restroom or leaving the seat down while using your own private bathroom is acceptable. There are rare moments when a Man can, and should relieve himself in the great outdoors. The most important of these instances is when drinking large quantities of beer, when camping or fishing, or if you are at the edge of a large cliff. It should be noted that if you are near something of this magnitude, you are forbidden to walk away without urinating off the edge.
When drinking, the appropriate urination etiquette is to announce your intentions to everyone around you and then head to the backyard with beer in hand. You should then find a corner and complete the emptying process. While camping, simply walk to the edge of the site and mark a sufficient amount of territory; while fishing, approach the side of the boat and piss. Extra points are earned if the boat is moving quickly and you remain balanced and nonchalant.
The general Mantivity score for urinating outside is a 2.8. Bonus points can be gained if you write your name in the snow, or if you cannot see where the urine is landing. The use of hand sanitizer is a deduction, as any very quick rinse from water, standing or running, will suffice. As a final, and obvious statement, the score is reduced to zero if you piss on yourself.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
#12 Bar Fights
One of Man’s most primordial instincts is to punch with his fists things he doesn’t like. That is the reaction most Men have, for example, when they see things like this. This instinct is heightened in the Manly bar environment. Here there is cursing, drinking, and billiards, so it is natural for a Man to be ready to fight at a moment's notice.

So to answer the question posed earlier: you stand up, down your mug of beer, kiss the girl you were talking to, and then you punch the commie in the face (it might be polite to tell him you are going to do so first – nobody likes a sucker punch, even if the target is a commie).
Thursday, March 27, 2008
#11 Launching Rockets
Rocket launchers can be pricey, so if you do not have the money, we recommend stealing one from your nearest Cold War arms stash. While you are there pick up a nuclear bomb – those can come in handy. The Mantivity score for launching rockets is 3.6, assuming you are fighting against the forces of evil. If your rockets are heat-seaking, the score is 3.8. Let’s blow some shit up.
Profiles in Manliness: Brett Favre
Brett Favre was born in Gulfport, Mississippi on October 10, 1969. As a newborn, Brett was 6' 2" and 205 pounds. There has been some evidence that suggests that the mother of Brett Favre was actually a virgin at the time of birth. But what defines Favre as a Man of note, is his career as one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the greatest game on earth.
Besides eclipsing records, Brett Favre has also broken every rib twice, his thumbs four times, and his entire left leg has been shattered by a truck. Not once did he miss a game due his gruesome injuries, nor did he ever take any type of medication for his pain. Brett Favre actually
Temperatures at Lambeau Field can drop to negative 300 degrees Celsius in September, but this has not been a problem due to the highly contagious nature of Favre's Manliness. There is little doubt that Favre is an American hero and his Man-legacy will live on far beyond the years he graces us with his presence. Brett Favre, we salute you.
Monday, March 24, 2008
#10 Installing Things
A Man can also install things professionally by becoming a cable guy, a plumber, or a Home Depot installation expert. This is a Manly way to make a living. The variables associated with this Mantivity mean that there is large score range. It ranges from 2.7 to 3.5 depending on what is being installed and where (for example, installing a new carburetor in an old car receives a higher score than installing a towel rack in a pink bathroom). Bonus points for using tools, becoming dirty, and not referring to any kind of directional-like reading materials for assistance.
Friday, March 21, 2008
#9 Refusing to Take Medicine

Chances are, at some point in a Man’s life, he will get sick, and when he does, there is sure to be somebody who tells him to take medicine. If this somebody is his wife or mother, she will also make a doctor’s appointment for him, without telling him. When this happens, a Man follows a very simple procedure. For the first quarter of his illness, he must insist he is not sick, it’s just allergies, so he doesn't need medicine and a doctor. Then, for the remaining three quarters, he must say that he was sick, but now is starting to get better, so medicine really wouldn't* do anything. This plan never ever fails.

*Updated thanks to the sniper-like editing style of James, a Man.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
#8 Watching the Game
This is a sacred time in a Man's life, which means women are not in the room (unless they are true fans). Women are obviously welcome to pass through and carry stray dishes with them on their journey. However, questions like "Who is playing?" are not encouraged and should only be answered by the Man associated with said woman. Conversation during gameplay is confined to the topics of the game itself, the nature of that particular season, and certain sideline reporters.
The Mantivity rating of watching the game is high, as it an essential part of any Man's life. The score ranges from 3.0 to 3.3, depending on the room you are watching it in, how many Men are watching with you, and the type of beer you are all drinking. However, significant bonus points can be gained if your favorite team is victorious, particularly if the game is close.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
#7 Starting a Fire
Note: When there are many Men willing and able to start the fire, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, have a competition for who is the best at starting a fire. While we usually encourage competition, in this case it is often the least Manly person who ends up building the fire, as he/she is the most willing to mention his experience starting fires at summer camp when he was 13 years old. Avoid this situation by offering to collect the wood, and then stepping in heroically when camper-boy fails.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
#6 Drinking Beer
Beer was invented well before 6,000 B.C., when dinosaurs ruled the earth. CaveMen enjoyed this perfect beverage after Manly battles with Sabertooth tigers and other animals that have become extinct. It didn't take long to learn that while the wheel and fire were good inventions, neither went that well with pizza or peanuts. Since then, beer has evolved. It has added new species and families, discovered the limits of perfect taste, and brought Men together for a common purpose. Through all of it, beer has always retained its ultimate Man beverage status. The official beer of the Mantivities website is Pabst Blue Ribbon.
There are many rules associated with beer. Spilled or wasted beer is a disaster and should be avoided at almost all costs. This is a tragedy even Shakespeare's words could do no justice. Light beer is acceptable for Men only when it is significantly cheaper than the regular alternative or if you intend to imbibe massive quantities and must consider the finite amount of space in the belly. Any Man who ventures into the realm of "girly" drinks should expect his friends not to let him forget it for some time afterwards.
Taste in beer will vary amongst Men. This is both accepted and encouraged, but all Men should be wary of beers that are actually "girly" drinks in disguise, such as watery beers, fruit beers, and so on. Beer earns a Mantivity score in the range of 2.5 to 3.0. This depends on the particular beer and the location in which it is being consumed. Men should not be obsessed with the number of beers that they consume; this is childish. At the end of the day, nothing quenches a Man-thirst like a beer.