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Thursday, March 27, 2008

#11 Launching Rockets

Invented during the 13th century, somewhere near the region we today call Latvia, the rocket launcher is a Man tool that has been both praised and admonished by society for its startling effectiveness in helping Men launch rockets. The typical rocket launcher is small enough so that it can be hoisted onto the shoulder of a Man, yet large enough so that a Man can use it to bludgeon aliens to death with it, if need be.

Like any Man tool, rocket launchers can do great good when in the hands of a true Man, but great evil when in the hands of a coward. This is because after the rockets have been launched, they streak towards their targets at 1,000,000 miles per hour, and then explode on contact – an effective means of target eradication. The important thing with this tool, therefore, is what exactly the target is. If the target is Hitler, then the Man tool has been used properly. If the target is a school bus, then the Man tool has been gravely misused, unless Hitler is the only passenger of the bus.

Rocket launchers can be pricey, so if you do not have the money, we recommend stealing one from your nearest Cold War arms stash. While you are there pick up a nuclear bomb – those can come in handy. The Mantivity score for launching rockets is 3.6, assuming you are fighting against the forces of evil. If your rockets are heat-seaking, the score is 3.8. Let’s blow some shit up.


MAD AS BATS said...

I wish you guys would enable the mail forwarding option on your blog, so I could email this to my pussy whipped little brother. He needs to understand how he has failed to live up to the manliness standard of our father

Achilles said...

Good call, it's done. I also just added the Man Stats feature. My apologies to those of you who visited before today, I didn't feel like guessing our previous traffic, so I left it at zero.

James said...

So, heat seeking gets a score bump, how about the FGM-148 Javelin. Tank Buster!