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Thursday, March 27, 2008

Profiles in Manliness: Brett Favre

“Profiles in Manliness” is a special feature in which we celebrate some of the Manliest members of society.

Brett Favre was born in Gulfport, Mississippi on October 10, 1969. As a newborn, Brett was 6' 2" and 205 pounds. There has been some evidence that suggests that the mother of Brett Favre was actually a virgin at the time of birth. But what defines Favre as a Man of note, is his career as one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the greatest game on earth.

Brett Favre attended the University of Southern Mississippi, where he was a four year starter at the quarterback position. He obtained a B.A. in the dual major of Manliness and female anatomy. Favre eventually made his way to the Green Bay Packers football team, where, after the fourth game of the 1992 season, he started every game until his retirement at the end of the 2007 season. The number of records Brett Favre has shattered is 954, the most notable being Pass Length, a record he broke when he threw a ball 6,714 yards, striking John Madden directly in the head. This fact explains many things.

Besides eclipsing records, Brett Favre has also broken every rib twice, his thumbs four times, and his entire left leg has been shattered by a truck. Not once did he miss a game due his gruesome injuries, nor did he ever take any type of medication for his pain. Brett Favre actually wears Wrangler jeans while playing and drinks beer instead of Gatorade on the sidelines. He rarely ever shaves, and keeps facial hair length at the appropriate level for ruggedness.

Temperatures at Lambeau Field can drop to negative 300 degrees Celsius in September, but this has not been a problem due to the highly contagious nature of Favre's Manliness. There is little doubt that Favre is an American hero and his Man-legacy will live on far beyond the years he graces us with his presence. Brett Favre, we salute you.

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