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Sunday, March 30, 2008

#13 Urinating Outside

One of the everyday things that Men take for granted is taking a leak while standing up. We have a hard time understanding why anyone would sit down on a toilet, simply to urinate. Truth is, Men have gradually evolved over the last three billion years to the point where the Male system is designed for upright urination. This is a fact women are incredibly envious of, despite their denials.

Most of the time, either using a urinal in a public restroom or leaving the seat down while using your own private bathroom is acceptable. There are rare moments when a Man can, and should relieve himself in the great outdoors. The most important of these instances is when drinking large quantities of beer, when camping or fishing, or if you are at the edge of a large cliff. It should be noted that if you are near something of this magnitude, you are forbidden to walk away without urinating off the edge.

When drinking, the appropriate urination etiquette is to announce your intentions to everyone around you and then head to the backyard with beer in hand. You should then find a corner and complete the emptying process. While camping, simply walk to the edge of the site and mark a sufficient amount of territory; while fishing, approach the side of the boat and piss. Extra points are earned if the boat is moving quickly and you remain balanced and nonchalant.

The general Mantivity score for urinating outside is a 2.8. Bonus points can be gained if you write your name in the snow, or if you cannot see where the urine is landing. The use of hand sanitizer is a deduction, as any very quick rinse from water, standing or running, will suffice. As a final, and obvious statement, the score is reduced to zero if you piss on yourself.

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